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Howdy Folks!
I Get Lost in it all, all the time, cause there’s no such thing as all they say there is, is not for me. Life is just a Fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?!
Did I ever tell you the one about that I’ve been thinking about adopting a child to share the remainder of my life with, that sparked my coming out of an early, early retirement to see if I still had the ‘chops’ to care for little ones like I did back in the day? Yeah, you all know I did.
Wait, I didn’t tell you, well this a beautifully fantastic little ditty to share, happy to invite this nuance with anyone out there who gives a care what this being has to say, cause in no way do I want to play with any other creature than one that is pure of heart, still close to the start, the truest of smart, a tasty little tart who doesn’t care to top the chart of hypocrisies & lies, one who’s still one with nature’s side.
After I thought of this, days later entered a little girl who stole my heart, then, tore it apart, freeing me back to my life once more. So, pour a libation, sit back & relax as I begin to tell this crazy new tale.
The universe spoke, & I answered. Tag, you’re it! Baby blues batting with a beautifully silly little girl’s wanting just to play & dream the day away grin, free of chagrin; the little girls understand that boys just don’t get it. It was on, the race to chase, the chase to race around trying to get to the other, to discover, to uncover new truths only a genuine bond can produce.
Lucky to be at all, died on the table, living a life so unstable, the failure to care for her condition, the coma induced & introduced itself & she ceased to exist until they shocked her back to her life. Coming into family care one big heart took her in & reached out to me for possible help that I happily accepted to make her new life even more possible.
Wild at heart, the connection instant to allow a start, though over time my role changed from friend to that of everything but. I was put in the worst of predicaments to have to become worker, teacher, dietician, monitor, enforcer & reporter. Nope, not roles I care to play anymore, I just wanted to play & at first, we did, then, presto, it was over before it ever did even begin.
Raised on radio to be just like a mom who chose to ignore the precious life she was given, turned to a device to raise & care for. A server to her own demons, she was on an already broken course laid out before her without her agreeance.
We don’t choose our parents, nor what we’re born into. Once born the ‘you’ clock starts, growing, ongoing to what you will become.
But rather than show her truth right off the bat, she laughed so hard she’d fall apart, & fall apart we did & it was splendid! I had to allow her to see my madness hat. Her giggle to laughter infectious as we’d roll around on the floor, tickle monsters producing joyous cries of uncle, uncle, catch me it you dare & her favorite game, do you know what I’m thinking? No, who’s to say, she, so happy to answer with hidden secrets to convey. To what can I to that, ever compare?
There’s no end when you never start. Over before she ever began, a byproduct, a victim of circumstances beyond her control, this sort of life is all she ever knew. So she sought out the few who got her kind of charm, a wild child broken to the civilized world into which she was hurled.
No protection from years of affection she never received, trapped in her own skin, her own mind, her thoughts always turned to the unkind. It’s all she knew, a vicious skew, though a few knew that deep down there was love, if only she could dig deep enough to let it blow. Let it out, let it overflow.
I certainly don’t know, thought I did, thought I might, have found something so very right, boy, was I wrong. If circumstances were different, our coming together would have ended in one, a once in a lifetime story from rags to riches, an Annie tale now called Nicole. Instead, the meek too dead to realize an opportunity to escape their own imposed impunity.
They’d rather pay & pay & pay, living in dread until they’re dead. They’d rather live in filth & drama, keeping misery as the company they preferred to keep. Criminals beget criminals, wealth begets wealth, pity creates a party filled with woe is me their patriot song of reality. Could choose a different way, but there’s always an excuse, a reason why they can’t become more than they’ve been.
Even at only 8, it’s probably too late, the roots, rooted, the mold set, the dye cast, they grow up fast!
No matter how bright that star at night, they’re too blind to see what’s offering a new start. It’s too easy to default, too easy to make an excuse, too easy to live in misery with so many friends around loving the company. Broken begets broken, pain begets suffering as they run in the same vein, so vane, they’d rather play along singing their own self-defeating song.
Is it wrong to see & be better than most, no, it’s not, so why can’t I say it without a poor me song sung by those feeling sorry for themselves, needing to take it out on another’s earned good fortunate state of affairs by one who cares? Either you’re born with it or you’re not, for try as one might, if it isn’t right in the fit, walk away & find your true course.
Cause & effect. Make or break. Give & take. It’s all subjective perspective in your ultimate directive.
It takes work to be distressed all the time, happiness & love are effortless. Most too afraid to just let it be & see. Afraid that if they’re all in & rejection sets in they’ll be crushed, but that’s the attraction. See, unless you truly, deeply love to your core, what’s the point of going through the motions. No, there are no secret potions, only love notions of individual chemical attractions, can you smell me baby, then yeah, you’ll love me baby.
Who’s right, who’s wrong, we all sing a different song even though we sing along. We, each unique to our own take on the world we know, distractions are created to keep you caged, enraged, afraid, deaf & dumb, how come, how come?
Love to hate, hate to love. Love equals pain for so many oblivious that there’s a different, a better way to live. Hide in plain sight by just doing what they say, then, you have more life to live doing it your own way. Beat them at their own game. Can you see me? No, cause I’m the forest.
Flying under a radar allows one to go really far. By not drawing negative attention to yourself for thinking, living, believing different ways than the common generalized other herd in rejecting the status quo, the societal & cultural mumbo-jumbo, you can hide in plain sight. Ironically, Nike had it right, just do it!
Do what you want, just don’t stand out to draw their attention, though don’t fit in cause you were born to stand out, one of these things is not like the others so keep quiet, only come out at night. You’ll be left alone if you just do what you do & to endless delight!
As you walk around, you’ll go unnoticed & see what people really do when thought alone, left to their own devices in a world of noise they’re so used to they don’t even hear their own cries as they try so hard to just be them.
If you draw their attention, you’ll be stripped of all you are, so, if they see you, if they come for you, snipe them out, end them first before they undo you. Tired of the hate, don’t want to fight, hide in plain sight.
This not trite, this truest of true, cause test me & I’ll slit your throat & I’ll slip out as quietly as I did to steal your so-called life without a second thought. Don’t ever mistake kindness, respect, peace & love for weakness.
Who’s the worse? Who’s right, who’s wrong? Who’s to say you need to sing along? I’m all right, the world’s, all wrong, just one of my Great Aunt’s tunes that Getting Lost with Randy chose to join in with & sing along.
One’s protector another’s oppressor, one’s true another’s lie, one’s sweet another’s sour, one’s trash another’s treat, one’s fear another’s climax, see, I don’t need bombs I’ve got wise cracks able to give little smacks without lifting a hand.
A life of squander, a hot mess of showing one’s butt only gets bruised from the spanking of small minds unable to articulate emotions or thoughts or ideologies or philosophies. Pick up a needle or pick up a book, spin a record or be a cyber crook, sit with friends or sit by yourself, does it really matter, if you’re as mad as a Mad Hatter.
The universe spoke, I answered, I listened like a child to try to understand the wild left unchecked, discovered, so much uncovered, too much for most to even care. Do I dare, I did, my truth, I offered an opportunity, a possibility to fly away to live another way, she couldn’t hear, too wrapped up fear, she chose to cower in despair than dare to a truth beyond compare, that indeed there was another way.
Too far gone, warped for this world, into a system hurled, trapped, boxed, beaten, broken all because she was to afraid to dare, dare to be different. She chose to follow the broken, beaten & dumb instead of believing in a better way she could rise above & become. Stuck in a rut, defaulting to neurological highways & byways, pregnant societal insanity imprints the next generations victims of their own stupidity.
Live life a better way, who’s to say, I say, some know better & there are better ways, most too afraid to be happy, they’d rather wallow in their own self-pity & sorrow. I choose to play every day, my own way & no one can say I can’t because I don’t stand out, or do I?
Getting Lost with Randy in the crowd, I stand out to those who know what’s really going on, those I call friends. I choose to fly on outstretched wings, to live life as my heart sings, not by another’s ‘guidance’ swings directed by rigidity & structures created by someone else’s maniacal control mongering dream.
Youth, the sweetest of honey, in this moment we’re of like mind. Out of sight, out of mind, burned & etched in my brain gone insane, put your heroin into my vein. No, I won’t complain if you feel slain, into the tunnel ran my Runaway Train. I see you, tag you’re it, don’t you get it, will you chase me, or, chase yourself to discover yourself once again. Please, please begin again, again, AGAIN! Yeah, that’s the spot.
With a last breath, our life we depart, we die, others cry while no one sheds a real tear. Death a new life, birthed from life into death, a new life. Will I recognize you there, if I do, will you care, will you say truth, or, will you & I dare to be different. To see what’s on the other side. There’s no side if I don’t exist at all, just a place where worlds collide, pick a side, we’re always reduced to war, no matter with others or own self, for we are, our own worst enemy.
There’s no good book, there’s no angel’s wings, there’s no love if we never let it in, taught only sin, the religious circus freak show sold to the shallow of mind, not my kind. See, they were over before they even started to begin. Bow, kneel, comply, conceal, no real deal when you’re on the Price is Right & the Gong Show, there’s nowhere to go but headfirst into the bullshit they’ve sold. Stocks in what? How much did you buy into? Yeah, you’re sure deep into it, their shit, show & tell, what the hell, where’s my crystal ball?!
Do you want to live out your life thriving in chaos, full of fear, as idol threats all you can manage to show you care. Sadness & pain the hearts love for those incapable of understanding there’s more to life, than sorrow & strife, greed & envy, power & money. For truth be told, they all a sucker born, all just illusions.
Either you got it or you don’t, broken is broken, not everyone is worth the life they’ve been given, not everyone is worth saving. Wasted time & energy on the walking dead, barely alive, they thrive to bring down those who’ve chosen a better way.
Jealous instead of thankful, rejecting instead of embracing, envious instead of being happy for. They’d rather be part of a broken System of the Down to be part of something than left to their own devices purchased cause outside stuff better than internal care.
Excuses rule failure & disappointment as television rules the world, as youth glued to the Tube of boob, mommy, never take away your teat, it’s such a treat, there’s nothing else out there that can compete. Only if that were true where there’s no such thing as ‘truth’ anymore, just a super glue making us all its whore.
I tried to provide a new directive, a new outlook, another take on how to see, she breathed new life into me, though she just couldn’t grasp my differing reality, it was too empowering, too independent, too free cause we’re taught that something so good can’t be free, can’t be real, shouldn’t be trusted. No, the choice is to stay standing & lying in our own piss & shit, I mean come one, everyone else is doing it, even our food we eat, we treat so poorly, so yeah, it’s no wonder you’re asunder.
Look at what you eat, it’ll show you who you’ve become. Not just body, but too & more importantly, no not really, mind, heart & soul, if one exists at all. Who knows, certainly not me & most definitely not you.
Like an old friend, we default to what we’re taught early on in life. Too afraid to venture out into the vastness of space the world has to offer to meet, greet, celebrate diversity, she chose to stay in her cage, too afraid to take flight. Feeling trapped by one’s own devices, sadly, most don’t even try, pointing fingers so angry at their own ugly reflection, just another war cry to support why one doesn’t even try.
Vicious circles of cycles keep the violence repeating, keeping down, round & round, defeating even the hope of what could be. It’s sad, but, true, why would I or anyone waste their time on you. You never cared enough for yourself, so why should I?! Fuck you!!! I’ve got no time for you & that’s all because of you, you silly stupid fucking hot little mess of insignificance.
Can’t help stupid, can’t help broken, can’t tread forever in an endless ocean of excuses before you sink down into the blackness of the watery abyss they want to suck you into, down to drown in their cesspool of feces. Neuro caverns interwoven deep to complex rooted self-fulfilling prophecies so unless you’re all in to invoke change, why even begin, why engage, why not just join me & my friends found within those who Rage Against The Machine.
I wish I could take your pain away, I wished I met you right away, I’d of shown you another way, planted healthy, balanced, harmonious, symbiotic seeds of thriving adaptive resilience to appreciate & celebrate & seek out life.
Life didn’t happen to me, I happened to life!
Life, my wife, husband & child, my chance to do, see, become all that make me who I am & that, still to come. I’m not over because I’ve just begun, each day a new beginning, one foot in front of the other, each step, closer to the edge, where limits are pushed, but, never do I fall. I would have swept you up & taken you along for the ride, you just wouldn’t hear my call.
The edge is only an illusion to a new beginning, it doesn’t exist at all, for there’s always another path, another way, another adaptation to be in constant creation of self.
But, alas, like a new day dawning, you pushed me away, unable to see, hear, feel the games to play a different kind of way. Stuck is stuck. A rut only a rut if you’re unwilling to snap out of it. We get what we get, it’s up to each of us to determine what we do with it. I’m just glad I was able to realize the kindness of others who took me under their wing to take flight & sing as I try to pay it all forward to those willing.
No matter, I’m happy to have known her, then never to have met her at all. I heard the call, answered, talked for a while & hung up, for I wasn’t willing to give up what I’ve become, what I could offer, for her fearful choice to continue to fall.
The past is never gone & the future is just one step beyond while the moments you remember are right here, right now, be forever present in your happenchance.
Today’s yesterday just a memory for only those who care to remember, for only those who care to see.
Funny, when I look at the memory I captured above, all that I just contemplated & demonstrated in old school written form, isn’t even a ‘thing’ anymore, cause none of it matters, none of it, until we make it matter & to me, all that really matters is…
Think about it!
Peace & Love, Awaken, until next time, au revoir…
